Called to the Bench

We all know how sports teams go, they hold practices where they are expected to work hard and develop the skills required for the game. Each team member anticipates the game time that they receive. It is during the game that they can prove their skills and their abilities that they have worked long and hard on at practices. They are eager to contribute to the game and see their hard work pay off.

On a sport's team, the coach has got the best interest for the team and each individual player in mind. He knows the strengths and weaknesses of each player and he has seen their hard work at practice. He knows what they are capable of. Why then, does he sometimes ask them to sit out on the bench?

Life is like a great big game. We each have something to contribute and participate in. We are eager to participate and put our acquired skills and abilities to the test and see them pay off. But what if we are asked to sit on the bench? What if we are denied an opportunity or experience that we have been anticipating for a long time? What if we are denied something so important to us? a scholarship? a new position at work? marriage? the chance to have kids? good health? a chance to serve a mission? What if the very thing that we have looked forward to is stripped from our grasp and we are left on the sidelines empty handed?

This is when the cascade of questions flood our mind. Are we not good enough? What did we do wrong? Did we not work hard enough at practice? Was it because we missed that last shot or dropped the ball? Why is this happening to me? We may even ask, "Is God punishing me?"

I have found myself asking this same questions when I was "called to the bench". For some reason or other, Heavenly Father has asked me to not to complete my paper process and serve a full time mission. As I have watched close friends, family members, classmates, and many others receive their calls and leave for their missions, I struggled that I had to "sit out". I wanted to take part of the missionary program and be counted as one of the full time missionaries and I didn't understand why He was asking me to sit out. I have had many people express to me that I would be a good missionary or that they really think that I belong out there in the field right now. At first I was upset. I knew what I was capable of and I knew that I could contribute as a missionary.

Heavenly Father is our coach. He loves and cares for each one of us. He desires for our happiness and He wants us to thrive. He has seen our every effort and been by our side through every rough trial and struggle. Through the trial He has watched us rise and improve. He knows the growth that we are capable of, He sees our potential. Then why are we sometime denied opportunities that we want or look forward to in life?

I think the first thing we must remember that the coach's job is not to judge or call out the player's mistakes (that is the ref's job) he is as emotionally connected to each athlete's success as they are. He is the first one to cheer when they make a score and the first one to cry when they miss or drop the ball. More than anyone, he has seen their efforts at practice and he desires for them to succeed.

I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. He knows who we can become. We may be denied opportunities in certain times of our lives, but He has promised us that we will get a chance to play the game. He has a plan for each and everyone of us that is designed specifically for our needs and for our growth. We must trust in Him and rely on His promise. Do not loose faith, do not loose hope. Your coach is the best.

Traveling the Wrong Road

I had an incredible experience, talking with a friend of mine about a recent experience in her life. She expressed to me a really difficult time with the choices that she had made and where it had taken her. But what really struck me was when she explained that Heavenly Father had allowed her to take this certain path, he did not give her the "cue" that her current path was not the "right" one. She understood that it was her choices that got her there, but that He could have given her the answer that she needed to know it wasn't right. She explained how hard she struggled with the thought that Heavenly Father had allowed her to take this path, knowing the pain and heart ache that would follow. Why would He let her fall so far? Why did He allow for the pain to take place when it could have easily been avoided? Why didn't He stop her before it went too far?

My friend then referred me to this video, taken from a story that Elder Jeffery R. Holland has shared.

Sometimes the Lord allows us to take the wrong path for a short time that we may turn back and know which one is the right road with no doubt in your mind.

Her beautiful story showed that sometimes Heavenly Father allows us to take the wrong path because it is the quickest way for us to see where we really need to be. This experience had strengthened her resolve that the path that she needed to take was the path that she wanted and the one that would take her where she needed to go. She was required to then turn her life back around, repent, and get back to that fork in the road. Because of this, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that road was the right one for her. Turning around is one of the hardest things to do and one with lots of discomfort and pain. However, the learning and growing that comes from turning around is irreplaceable. 

Heavenly Father knows that we may fall in this life, but guess what, He has provided us the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It's strength is all-encompassing. It can heal, it can lift, and it can make you whole again. There is not anything that the Atonement of Jesus Christ cannot fix. There is hope and there is light through Christ. I know that His atonement is real, it works, and it's strength and power is accessible to everyone. Everyone needs the Atonement in their everyday lives. As I heard her story and the healing that had taken place in her life towards the things she was struggling with, I recognized those exact patterns that have taken place in my life, dealing with an entirely different situation. This is a testimony to me that Christ's atonement is meant for every individual and their personal needs. We must remember that not only did Christ suffer and atone for all man kind's sins and shortcomings, He suffered and atoned for your sins and your shortcomings. The power of the atonement lies in the personal application. 

Heavenly Father does not care where you have been, how many wrong roads you have been down, or how many times you have fallen. What He cares about is where you are now, where you are heading, and (with Him) how far you are willing to go. 

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and I know that we are each a beloved Child of God. His greatest desire is to have us return home to Him again and become who He knows where are capable of becoming. He will not let us ignorantly travel the wrong road for long, He will reach out and embrace you with His healing arms the moment you allow Him to. 

On the Fourth Watch

"My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?

O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent." (Psalms  22:1-2

"I cry unto thee, and thou doest not hear me; I stand up, and thou regardest me not." (Job 30:20)

These cries do not come un-echoed. I am sure that everyone has given this same soul-aching cry at some point in their life.

As Elder Russell M. Nelson has said,

"I recognize that on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, "Why?" I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father's perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time."

My junior and Senior year of high school I was hit with a large curve ball that left me resounding this same cry. I was on the varsity cross country and track team and loved to race and compete along side my other teammates and friends. Running became my life and I loved it! I had high hopes for my competing and in reaching my time goal on my 5K in Cross Country and my 1 mile in Track. However, at age 17 I started to have back pain. Soon it moved on to hurt constantly and inhibited my daily activities. Before too long I started feeling sharp pain that would shoot across my back and down my legs. This is when I knew that there was more involved with my back then stiff or sore muscles, I had nerves that were involved now. We went to many different doctors, chiropractors, and physical therapists to try to manage the pain. Nothing seemed to work.  My running was effected greatly because I couldn't run very far without the pain overriding and making it too much. I was frustrated because it just didn't seem fair to be only seventeen and suffering with chronic back pain.

At night I struggled sleeping because I couldn't get into a position where I could get the ache to go away. Many nights I would be up late with the discomfort. On these long, sleepless nights, I would just cry, frustrated, worn, and tired of hurting. I remember how lonely I felt those nights crying, no one could help me or get the pain to go away. There was not anyone to turn to and so I did the only thing I knew to do, I prayed. I begged for my Heavenly Father to make the pain to go away but He never did.

I would cry and plead that this trial would be taken away. I didn't understand, why did I always hurt? Why did Heavenly Father give this trial to me? Why would He take away my joy and passion that I had found in running? Why doesn't He just take my trial away? I felt that He did nothing for me, that He had left me alone to suffer.

I did struggle with this greatly for a time, but what I learned on those rough nights on my knees praying, have become invaluable. One thing I have come to learn and recognize is that God is what Michael Wilcox calls a "Fourth Watch God".

In the New Testament it talks about the four watches in which the night was divided into four three-hour shifts. These shifts were what the guards would be on duty for as they watched at the gate. The fourth watch was the last watch of the night, starting at three in the morning and went until 6 am.  

To illustrate this point, in Mark 6:47-48, 51 Christ comes to the seashore to find His disciples on a ship that is being bashed with the waves and the wind. You can imagine the distress that they were in, being in the midst of this storm.

47 And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land.

48 And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them. . .

51 And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased:

They were "toiling in rowing" they were fighting against the storm with all that they had, they were exhausted and worn. However, Christ watched and waited until the fourth watch before He came to them and calmed the sea. Why would He wait when He knew they were in distress? Why didn't He run to them and calm the sea immediately? Perhaps it is because He knew the importance of them to use all their strength and to weather it out for a time.

So why does Heavenly Father not answer our cries when we call? George McDonald talks about God's need for having a holding place in our hearts before He can answer our cries. He says,

"Where do I put it, there's no holding place. Life will create the holding place. Sometimes hard things in life will create the holding place, and when the holding place is created, when the pocket is there, as soon as it's there, I will answer your question, your need."

When I am being tossed about in what seems to be a hopeless storm, I have had to remember that my cries do not ever go unheard. He waits till the fourth watch because He knows that the trial will create the holding place in my life. There were many things that He has wanted to teach me or show me but could not because I had no place for it. It is because He loves me, that He has provided ways whereby there would be room made for incredible truths to be planted in my heart.

What started off to be loneliness and frustration that I felt those many nights, have gradually become the nights that I now remember to be where I have come to know Heavenly Father's love. I have come to realize that Heavenly Father has a much larger perspective and purpose for the trials that He allows me to go through.

I am eternally grateful that He does hear my cries and that He does not leave me comfortless. I know that it may seem tat He is absent for a short while, but He is always there. We must wait and trust because He will come and He will deliver. He doesn't always come immediately, He may even wait till the fourth watch, but He does come!!

That I Might Find Joy

"Adam fell that men might be and men are, that they might have joy."

2 Nephi 2:25

We are on this earth to be happy and find joy in living. Yet, there is a lot that can prevent us from being happy. Personally, I have found times where I truly struggle with this. I have been in a phase where I have felt a little lost and clueless. Life at times, just seemed so tedious and even pointless. My schedule seemed to become the same thing with no variation and nothing to look forward to. It was so easy to be discouraged or frustrated when nothing seemed to go my way that day or when there was no excitement in the routine. I got to a point where I felt as if life has been sucked out of living and I was only going through the motions. I

 had no goal, no purpose, no direction and not much I could do about it.

I quickly learned that I hated feeling this way and that I needed something to look forward to. I looked for anything and everything that I could be excited for. On one particularly rough day I took a little time out of my schedule took some time for myself to just think reset. I was amazed at the effects. I took a walk to the nearest park and spent some time on the swings. Something so simple and unimportant, but it made the world of difference. Within five minutes I felt great! I still wasn't completely up to speed, but it definitely put a lift on my day. I decided that I needed to take action and even though my life didn't contain much excitement, I had to make it exciting.

It has been easier then what I thought, I have to make a point to look for one thing each day to be excited for. Even as simple as looking forward to having one of my frozen burritos for lunch (even though that is what I was having two out of my three meals a day). I would look forward to a little free time I allowed each day after a bit of homework. Other times it would be for one of the class discussions we were to have that day. I also worked on weekly things to look forward to and so throughout the week I make a very special effort to plan something fun to do saturdays. I have been a huge fan of going on little adventures, usually a hike or to explore some new dirt roads in my little car. This has helped me with keeping my eyes on the finish line (or, in this case, the week end). As Dory (from the movie Finding Nemo) puts it to, "just keep swimming!"

I have quickly learned that it was all in my mind set. Yes, rough days come, but that is alright, there is always something that we can look forward to. Just take it day by day, week by week. Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, that is what His whole plan is all about. I know that even when life seems void of excitement or worthy goals to chase, Heavenly Father will provide things to aid us in our journey if we are willing to put forth our own effort in becoming happy. Heavenly Father places in our lives opportunities and a small dose of perspective that can then allow us to make it through. I know this because He has done so and continues to do so for me. Life is that we might find joy. Joy in doing, joy in enduring, and joy in living!!

Living the Law of Sacrifice- I can Hope, I can Trust

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there is an incredible opportunity provided for the youth of our church (young men at age 18 and young women at 19). This opportunity is given by being called by the Prophet of the Lord to serve as a missionary and to preach the gospel in some part of the world. They will be asked to leave their homes for 18 months to 2 years and spend that entire time dedicated to serving and preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to many people.

I have grown up in a family where there is a great legacy of missionaries that have gone out to serve. My grandparents on both sides, my parents along with my three older siblings have served a mission. It has been my greatest desire to take part of this program and to serve a mission ever since I was little. This has been a goal I have worked towards and prepared for all my life.

Through high school I had become super anxious and excited to start on my mission papers as some of my really good guy friends started to receive their calls to serve. I was a bit frustrated that I would have to wait an entire year later before I could even start on mine. By the time my two best friends had left, I was counting down the months I had left before I could go. While I waited, I decided that it was best to get a semester of college done and work part time in order to save up.

I had several experiences that created some very strong impressions in opposition to my desires to go. There was a quiet fear that maybe the Lord didn't want me to serve a mission at this time. These thoughts terrified me and I did all that I could to keep these fears at bay. However, they would only slowly build. These thoughts soon became pressing and created much turmoil inside. I wanted more than anything to serve a mission and I rationalized that it was a righteous desire. Yet something just kept telling me that Heavenly Father wanted something different for me.

It came time that I was finally able to start on my mission papers and get the process going. I was super anxious to get them completed by the soonest possible date so that I could turn them in. The process was very tedious for me and seemed to drag on very slow. When I went in to get my medical exam, I ran into a few complications. My blood tests showed that I was deficient in iron. I was informed that they could not turn in my papers with my iron level so low. I would have to take Iron pills for six weeks and check back to see if it goes back up before proceeding with the papers. When I heard this news, I was devastated!

Those six weeks were the longest and most discouraging time for me. I was frustrated that I would not have my papers turned in at the time I had planned on. To make things even harder, the feelings of fear and doubt swept in stronger then before. I struggled to find peace, I felt as if Heavenly Father was trying to tell me that a mission was not in His plan for me and I fought it. A mission was not something I was willing to give up so easily, I could not imagine my life without serving a mission.

I kept fighting these feelings, terrified of the prospect of not serving a mission. This a where I know Heavenly Father has guided me, I ran across the story of Abraham and Issac that is located in the Old Testament. In this story, the Lord has blessed Abraham with a son, even when his wife was past her years to be able to have children. Through his son, Isaac, the Lord promised Abraham that he would have a great posterity among many other blessings. Then a few years later the Lord commands Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, his only son. Abraham's faith is incredible, for he was willing to obey despite the doubt and fear that could have been there. It would have appeared that God was asking Abraham to not only give up his son, but also sacrifice all of the blessings that the Lord had promised him. But, "Abraham believed God." (Romans 4:3) He believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises.

"Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken. . He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to GOd; And being fully persuaded that, what [the Lord] had promised, he was able also to perform." (Romans 4:18, 20-21)

This story greatly impacted me. It made me realize that sometimes the Lord does ask us to sacrifice things that are most precious to us. I needed faith like Abraham, who trusted God and His plan over his own desires (even when they are righteous). My mission papers are complete but I have accepted that I will not be serving a mission at this time.

We must remember that the Lord never lets us down. For Abraham, the Lord provided a ram in Isaac's place to be sacrificed. (Genesis 22:10-13) For me, I know that the Lord has a plan for me. I have been promised that I would get an opportunity to take part in the missionary program and to serve a mission. I just need to trust in the Lord's timing and completely rely on Him and that He will fulfill His promise to me.

I am living the Law of Sacrifice, I am willing to give up something so dear and precious to me because my loving Heavenly Father has asked me to. I know that the Lord will fulfill all of the promises that He makes with His children. He will fulfill His promise to me, that I will serve a mission, even if the time is not now. It is hard and it is scary, but I can hope and I can trust.