On the Fourth Watch

"My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?

O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent." (Psalms  22:1-2

"I cry unto thee, and thou doest not hear me; I stand up, and thou regardest me not." (Job 30:20)

These cries do not come un-echoed. I am sure that everyone has given this same soul-aching cry at some point in their life.

As Elder Russell M. Nelson has said,

"I recognize that on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, "Why?" I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father's perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time."

My junior and Senior year of high school I was hit with a large curve ball that left me resounding this same cry. I was on the varsity cross country and track team and loved to race and compete along side my other teammates and friends. Running became my life and I loved it! I had high hopes for my competing and in reaching my time goal on my 5K in Cross Country and my 1 mile in Track. However, at age 17 I started to have back pain. Soon it moved on to hurt constantly and inhibited my daily activities. Before too long I started feeling sharp pain that would shoot across my back and down my legs. This is when I knew that there was more involved with my back then stiff or sore muscles, I had nerves that were involved now. We went to many different doctors, chiropractors, and physical therapists to try to manage the pain. Nothing seemed to work.  My running was effected greatly because I couldn't run very far without the pain overriding and making it too much. I was frustrated because it just didn't seem fair to be only seventeen and suffering with chronic back pain.

At night I struggled sleeping because I couldn't get into a position where I could get the ache to go away. Many nights I would be up late with the discomfort. On these long, sleepless nights, I would just cry, frustrated, worn, and tired of hurting. I remember how lonely I felt those nights crying, no one could help me or get the pain to go away. There was not anyone to turn to and so I did the only thing I knew to do, I prayed. I begged for my Heavenly Father to make the pain to go away but He never did.

I would cry and plead that this trial would be taken away. I didn't understand, why did I always hurt? Why did Heavenly Father give this trial to me? Why would He take away my joy and passion that I had found in running? Why doesn't He just take my trial away? I felt that He did nothing for me, that He had left me alone to suffer.

I did struggle with this greatly for a time, but what I learned on those rough nights on my knees praying, have become invaluable. One thing I have come to learn and recognize is that God is what Michael Wilcox calls a "Fourth Watch God".

In the New Testament it talks about the four watches in which the night was divided into four three-hour shifts. These shifts were what the guards would be on duty for as they watched at the gate. The fourth watch was the last watch of the night, starting at three in the morning and went until 6 am.  

To illustrate this point, in Mark 6:47-48, 51 Christ comes to the seashore to find His disciples on a ship that is being bashed with the waves and the wind. You can imagine the distress that they were in, being in the midst of this storm.

47 And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land.

48 And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them. . .

51 And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased:

They were "toiling in rowing" they were fighting against the storm with all that they had, they were exhausted and worn. However, Christ watched and waited until the fourth watch before He came to them and calmed the sea. Why would He wait when He knew they were in distress? Why didn't He run to them and calm the sea immediately? Perhaps it is because He knew the importance of them to use all their strength and to weather it out for a time.

So why does Heavenly Father not answer our cries when we call? George McDonald talks about God's need for having a holding place in our hearts before He can answer our cries. He says,

"Where do I put it, there's no holding place. Life will create the holding place. Sometimes hard things in life will create the holding place, and when the holding place is created, when the pocket is there, as soon as it's there, I will answer your question, your need."

When I am being tossed about in what seems to be a hopeless storm, I have had to remember that my cries do not ever go unheard. He waits till the fourth watch because He knows that the trial will create the holding place in my life. There were many things that He has wanted to teach me or show me but could not because I had no place for it. It is because He loves me, that He has provided ways whereby there would be room made for incredible truths to be planted in my heart.

What started off to be loneliness and frustration that I felt those many nights, have gradually become the nights that I now remember to be where I have come to know Heavenly Father's love. I have come to realize that Heavenly Father has a much larger perspective and purpose for the trials that He allows me to go through.

I am eternally grateful that He does hear my cries and that He does not leave me comfortless. I know that it may seem tat He is absent for a short while, but He is always there. We must wait and trust because He will come and He will deliver. He doesn't always come immediately, He may even wait till the fourth watch, but He does come!!